Sweet child of mine...

My sweet daughter...

Still to this day and forever on, I marvel at the variaty that is you.

The way you giggle and tell me I´m silly when I make faces to amuse you.

The way your eyebrows rise when you get surprised or excited.

The way you so very wisely tell me "mommy. Let´s go look at the toys. I´ll tell you which ones I want for christmas" (or, birthday or just because). Never nagging for me to buy you stuff.

The way you smile at me and wave when I drop you off at preschool, and you whisper as I leave the coat-room "mommy, tip-toe like a shrimp and wave to me". Naturally I do, because I know how funny you think that is. I don´t know how or even if shrimps actually do tip-toe, but I do it anyway and smile when I see your face through the window, telling your friends "my mommy is silly" and smile that perfect, beautiful smile.

The way you tell me "I don´t want to clean my room, I´m too little, it´s very exhausting"

The way you ask me, "mommy, can I have hot chocolate for breakfast" and put your tiny hands in prayer.

The way you come in, carrying the cat. Excitingly saying "look, I know how to carry Simba. I´m a big girl now"

The way you cry "I don´t want to go to the store, it not fun for children"

Your sweet, perfect face. Your innocent eyes. Your un-marked body. Your fingernails with traces of nailpolish on them. Your hair with highlights from the summer sun.

I love you, my daughter, and the way we create memories. Today, when we played Kim Possible in the grocery store, hiding behind shelfes. Our picnic behind the house, in the forrest. Our forrest that we´re now leaving for another place and new memories.

Most of all I love you because you are you and the sweet way you say

"mommy, I love you"

I´m just not interesting!

So, I had a broker here last night.
It was a man, age perhaps 45-48 yrs, and really not attractive. Still, he stayed for 2 hrs and shared too much private information.
To me that just gets unprofessional!
So, after he finally left (oh, and I should add he brought his 3yr old daughter!)
me and kiddo had dinner, at 8.15 pm... I realized that the only persons that find me interesting is middle aged men!
It´s just so sad... And the worst part is, it doesn´t take a lot to make them interested either. I wore no makeup, had sloppy clothes on and my hair, well nothing was happening in the hair department.
It´s the opposite of a confident booster, if you know what I mean?
Ah, well... I do have dinner plans with my BFF tonight.
Maybe there will be some cute 50 yr olds to flirt with?

Dear Diary...

Today could´ve been one of those days when you actually get things done.

You know, you´re highly organized at work, you file all those papers you´ve planned to file for months, you clean up your desk and change that picture of your kid from when he/she was an infant to a more recent pic ... (in my case, change the weddingpic from my SECOND marriage, to one of me, in a bikini, sipping a drink at a beach, getting a foot massage by a gorgeous man)

All in all things that makes you feel like you´ve actually accomplished something.

But, no... I did no such thing. Nothing of the things mentioned above. This might, perhaps, have to do with the fact that I do not work at a desk. I have no papers to file (except from all the shit I have at home, but that´s a whole other story), no pic of my kid, nothing! I work in a store selling sporting goods.

I did get a whole lot of things organized in the storage room though... And for some reason finally hung all the clothes in order of size, from XS to XXL...


I´m a genious!

So...

Why do I feel the need to write?
And, why do I feel the need to share all my BS with some poor people who, for some strange reason, actually read what I write?
I don´t know... It´s just like a diary, only doing it "public" makes me having to really DO it. Get it? It´s like homework... I never EVER did ANY homework until I really needed to, like the day before an assignment was supposed to be handed in, or, I only studied the day before the test and so on and so forth.
Hence it was all in fresh memory in my lil´ pea-sized brain! It´s because I´m so easily distracted I figure... If I read up on stuff, too long in advance, I´ll just simply forget it all.
So, by going out in cyberspace I´m kind of forced to come up with some shit to write, or I´ll have to close it down, in shame and forever be banned from The Blog Community...
(if you´ve come this far in reading, you really deserve a glass of wine and a massage from whomever you feel like getting a massage from. Tell him/her I told you so, and it´s because you got a migraine from reading all this crap...)

Anyways...

Nothing is new in my life, other than it´s up-side-down... I wonder when the hell it´s going to go back to smooth sailing?
Selling the house, WTF? That´s just a huuuuuge thing for me.
I know I need to do it, but looking at ads for apartments just makes me depressed... I just hope and pray me and kiddo will find a decent place to live in and that the neighbors are nice. Preferable a nice, good looking man in my age, with no kids or teenage kids, like teenage-I´m-about-to-move-out-soon, teenage, ya know??